Spider-Man: Irresponsible/Cat's Meow
''Cat's Meow ''is the second issue of the comic series Spider-Man: Irresponsible. Transcript A woman is seen slipping through a window on the ceiling of a museum. She puts on goggles that have green eyes, looking around the room and spotting a golden hand holding a diamond. She smiles and pushes a button on her goggles, turning them blue and revealing that the hand is surrounded by lasers. She lands on the ground and slips her hand through them, popping claws out of her gloves and cutting a hole in the glass covering the hand before grabbing the hand and quickly pulling it out. She looks at it smiling. *'Peter: '''That's a pretty neat gadget you've got there. She looks up, revealing Peter is standing on the ceiling above her. *'Peter:' So what do you call yourself? Cat Burglar? The Woman in Black? no, you've got white in there too. Zebra? Or is it like Cat Girl. *'Black Cat:' Black Cat is my name. And I suppose you're The Red and Blue Crusader, right? *'Peter: Yep. Hit the nail right on the head. *'Black Cat: '''I'm kidding, I know who you are Spider-Man. You best watch yourself. Cats are known to eat spiders after all... *'Peter: Are you sure it's not the other way around? some spiders are poisonous after all. *'Black Cat: '''Well, let's prove once and for all which is better... your fangs. Or my claws! Black Cat jumps up and attempts to scratch Peter, who jumps out of the way and slides on the ground, catching his fall. * '''Peter:' Oh, I got reflexes on my side too. Peter leaps at Black Cat and attempts to grab her only for her to move out the way and scratch Peter as he falls. Peter lands on the ground but instantly leaps back up and runs at Black Cat, who puts down the golden hand. The two grab each other's hands and slam their heads together. Their hands shake as both of them try to push the other down while staring at each other, their heads still clashed together. *'Peter: '''You know, I gotta admit, it's nice to encounter a criminal that actually talks back to you. The last one I met only spoke, like, six sentences. Or was it seven? Black Cat lets go of Peter's hands and scratches his chest with both of her claws before kicking him back. She then pulls something out of her belt and throws it at the wall behind her. It explodes and debris begins falling to the streets below. Peter's eyes widen and he rushes over, webbing the debris only to be pushed out the hole by Black Cat, though he manages to web the building and keeps himself hanging just high enough to be face to face with her. * '''Peter:' You dirty little... Black Cat pulls Peter's mask up to his nose and kisses him on the cheek before waving at him and running off. She manages to find the diamond the golden hand was holding and looks around. *'Black Cat:' Where's the hand? this thing's worthless without-- She hears sirens and is forced to run away, leaving Peter hanging. Peter looks down, spotting the police and pulls the webbed debris up to the web he is holding on to, linking them both together before taking off. The next day, Peter is standing at his locker and is looking through his phone, searching for "Black Cat burglar." * Peter: Come on. Harry and Gwen walk over to Peter. *'Harry: '''Hey Pete, what're you doing? *'Peter: Oh, uh, I'm... I'm getting into supervillains now and I wanna find out some stuff about them. They're pretty... uh... *'''Harry: What? *'Peter:' Didn't Gwen have a hat for, like... a really long time? *'Gwen:' I was gonna wear it but I lost it. Don't go nutso, Pete. *'Peter:' Because I apparently only like blondes and gingers? *'Harry: '''Oh yeah, you do only date blondes and gingers. *'Peter: This isn't, like... your version of flirting, is it? *'Gwen: '''What? no! Why would you think that? *'Peter: Oh thank god. *'Gwen: '''Oh, so apparently I'm so unattractive it's actually a relief that I'm not into you... shocker... *'Peter:' Wait, what? when did I imply that?! *'Gwen: Ha! you should see the look on your face! I knew you would buy that! *'''Peter: Wait, what? *'Gwen: '''You actually thought I was angry at you! haha! *'Harry: ...Well, that was a weird conversation to listen to. But it is you two, so... *'''Peter: So what've you been up to, Harry? *'Harry: '''Same as usual. Fat load of nothing. My dad tried to make me like him, whatever that means. All he really did was make me do some science junk. *'Gwen: Maybe he means he's trying to make you smart? not saying you're dumb, I'm just saying that your dad's a pretty smart dude. Like really smart. *'''Harry: I get it. A locker door is heard closing as behind them the principal of the school is speaking to a blonde girl. *'Peter: '''Who's that? *'Harry: That's Felicia Hardy. Apparently, she's thinking of transferring here so the principal's showing her around. The principal walks over to them. *'Peter: '''Hi Principal Octavius. *'Otto: Hello Peter. Tell me, have you met miss Hardy here? *'Felicia:' Hi, I'm... Peter and Felicia look at each other. Peter stares at Felicia, seeing a slight bruise on her head. Felicia holds up her hand and uses it to cover Peter's eyes, looking at his lower jaw. *'Harry:' ...You okay? *'Peter:' I'm fine. Peter holds his hand out for a handshake. *'Peter:' Hello, I don't think we've met before. *'Felicia:' Nice to meet you, I'm Felicia Hardy The two shake each other's hands, Peter grabbing abnormally tight, though Felicia continues to softly smile at him despite this. Feeling the tension in the air, Harry, Gwen, and Otto leave. *'Otto:' Come to my office when you want to finish the tour! Felicia and Peter look around to make sure no one can see them before Peter pulls Felicia close to him, inches away from her face. *'Peter: '''Give the diamond back to the museum, Cat. *'Felicia:' How about I trade it for another kiss, Spider? Peter stares at her with a dead-serious expression. * '''Peter:' I'm not joking. * Felicia: You're not very fun when you're not wearing the mask, you know that? * Peter: Just give the diamond back. * Felicia: '''And what's in it for me if I do? * '''Peter: '''How old are you? eighteen? you're an adult and you're doing this? * '''Felicia: '''You're a kid and you're fighting adults. What's your point? * '''Peter: Well... * Felicia: '''Can't think of an excuse for yourself, can you? * '''Peter: Shut up! the higher level heroes have moved on to bigger threats, without me there'd be no one to handle people like you! * Felicia: Insulted both yourself and me in that sentences there. Bravo. * Peter: ...I know you'll be going back to the museum tonight to steal the hand. And I'll be waiting for you when you do. * Felicia: Great. Felicia smiles at Peter as it cuts to later that night on the rooftop of the museum. Black Cat is seen landing on top of the roof with a backpack on. She puts it down and pulls out a picnic blanket, laying out plates and glass cups on it, placing sandwiches wrapped in tinfoil on the plates and pouring colored water into the caps before sitting on the blanket and sipping some of the water. *'Black Cat:' I know you're up there, you know. Peter is revealed to be staring down at Black Cat from a higher part of the roof. *'Peter: '''And this is...? *'Black Cat:' Do you not know what a picnic is? Peter remains quiet. *'Black Cat:' I just wanted to make our first date a nice one. *'Peter:' What? is this like... a joke? cause the thought of you doing all this for a joke really freaks me out... you doing this in general freaks me out, actually. Why are you doing this anyway? a diamond could make you rich if you sold it. *'Black Cat:' The thing I'm trying to steal is called God's Hand. The golden hand is meant to be God's and the diamond is earth. Together, it's priceless. Though I don't really care about the money. *'Peter:' Then why do this? why steal stuff that's so expensive people would kill for it if you don't care about the money? *'Black Cat:' Because it's fun! Peter goes completely silent. * '''Peter:' You're joking, right? * Black Cat: '''What? it is fun. And the fight we had last night, that was the most fun I've ever had! * '''Peter: '''I bruised you and you scratched me. * '''Black Cat: '''So? * '''Peter: God... you're crazier than Sin-Eater. * Black Cat: 'Says the man who runs around wearing a suit like that. Black Cat pops her claws and jumps at Peter, attempting to scratch him. Peter manages to dodge the attack and webs Cat's hand, pulling her towards him and punching her hard enough to knock her down. *'Black Cat: 'I can't believe you'd hit a woman! *'Peter: I didn't hit a woman, I hit a criminal that needs to be arrested who happened to be a woman. Black Cat gets back up and repeatedly tries to punch and kick Peter, who blocks a good chunk of her attacks before having his thigh cut by her. He curls up for a few seconds which is long enough for Black Cat to scratch his face and kicks him to the ground. * Peter: You mother-- * Black Cat: 'Tut-tut, Petey. You have to set a good example for the kids, don't you know? Peter gives her a blank expression. *'Peter: If kids are following me they probably shouldn't be. Peter gets back up and rushes at Black Cat, who dodges his attack and scratches him on the back. *'Peter:' Gah! will you cut it with the slicing thing!? It's starting to get annoying! Peter turns around to try and continue the fight only to realize Black Cat is gone. He then hears a door slamming and jumps down, realizing that Black Cat has gotten into the building and locked the door. He runs a few feet away and rams into the door, breaking the latches of it and sliding down the stairs on top of the door, stopping inches away from a display at the museum. *'Peter: '''I wonder how much public property I can destroy before someone tries to sue me. Peter looks around and sees that a door is slightly open. He runs over to it and opens it up, revealing there to be an open vent inside. He gets ready to crawl into the vent but stops, his eyes widening. He jumps into the air and lands on the ceiling, dodging a sneak attack from Black Cat. *'Black Cat: How did you know I was still here? *'Peter: '''That's for me to know and for you to never find out. Peter webs Black Cat's face and jumps down, grabbing her and throwing her out of the room. Black Cat sits up and rips the webs off. *'Black Cat: I didn't realize you were that happy to see me. *'Peter:' ...Uh... Black Cat once again rushes at Peter, kicking him to the ground before running off. She finds the hand and once again cuts into the glass covering it, grabbing it and trying to run off. Peter then shows up once again and the two begin fighting for control of the hand, with the battle ending with Black Cat trying to scratch Peter only for him to dodge her attack and web Black Cat's hands and pulling her towards him, wrapping his arm around her to hold her up as if they had just finished a dance and grabbing the golden hand *'Peter:' So, are you still thinking about going to Midtown? *'Black Cat: '''That depends. Will I get to see you every day if I do? *'Peter: Please stop trying to make this romantic... I’m not into white heads. Your hair is white, right? *'''Black Cat: Natural white. *'Peter:' Yeah, sorry, but I'm not into people whose hair is whiter than my aunt's. *'Black Cat:' Oh, you not being into me just makes me want you more! *'Peter: '''Ugh... It suddenly cuts to some time later where the same mysterious man from the previous issue is seen watching footage of Peter's fight with Black Cat, watching a clip of him dodging her sneak attack. A scientist walks up to the mystery man. *'Scientist: Sir, the results of the test on Spider-Man's blood sample have come back and your theory was correct, all of his powers are genetic. He requires no enhancements for any of his abilities. *'''Mystery Man: Interesting. *Scientist: What are you doing if you don't mind me asking? *'Mystery Man:' He's leaping out of the way before the enemy even has a chance to attack. He would have no way of knowing that she was there and yet somehow he did. Truly... we are dealing with the kind of person that only comes once in a generation.